Monday, 14 September 2009

American Wit & Quick-Wittedness

There can be no denying that American's are not quick-witted, nor that American humour is alien to the English - although their judgement of what is 'weird' is open to question - as witnessed by this comment on a post by Inspector Gadget.

"In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse,  Lawrence  was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency, and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop; 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around'; He stated in a telephone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose; cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need.  'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to  Lawrence  and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached  Lawrence .

'I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin'?

'He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said...

'A pumpkin?  Shit .... is it midnight already?'

This was in the  Washington  Post...the title of the article was 'Best Come Back Line Ever.'"


Joe Public said...

10 years old & unfortunately an Urban Legend

Dr Melvin T Gray said...

Thankfully, PC Ava Rage is spared the crudity when this 'subtle' hilarity sails overhead.

Witterings From Witney said...

Maybe JP but only just appeared on IG's blog, thought it funny and worth repeating.