Whatever you do this Christmas, don't let the children into the kitchen while you are cooking the turkey.
Always finish your drink to avoid a youngster having a taste and ending up with alcohol poisoning.
And, of course, never hang baubles on the tree. They might break and give someone a nasty cut.
These 'tips', from a list of gratuitous health and safety advice issued yesterday, came not from a misguided town hall jobsworth, but with the authority of Children's Secretary Ed Balls.
Mr Balls's officials have printed 150,000 leaflets designed to look like advent calendars, to be distributed through shopping malls and children's centres 'to help make the festive season safe'.
And this from the department which is supposed to safeguard children and seems to have failed miserably in certain instances. The cost of this exercise is not known, but knowing this government's track record, it won't have been cheap!
A suggestion has been made that the Children's Secretary has two christian names, the first being Richard - which he does not use. This may be due to the fact that the combined, diminutive versions of both Richard and Edward are a tad unfortunate!