In demonstrating the female* view of 'order of matters important', Gill Hornby writing in tomorrow's Daily Telegraph:
"I couldn't care less about funny-shaped sausages or cucumbers. I'm pretty relaxed about the thought of adopting the euro. National cuisine, national currency, national sovereignty – these are trifles. But now it's been revealed that an EU directive on the quality of domestic oil has caused a sudden collapse in the performance of our Agas, and –whoa! – I've come over all Ukip.
The Brussels directive requires that the oil we use in our homes should have a lower sulphur content. The aim, which seems quite laudable, is to reduce greenhouse gases. But the result is that the fuel carbonises more quickly, creating a thick black smoke – mounting panic here – which clogs the fuel pipes, which in turn – sensitive rural types, look away now – makes the Aga go out. Aaaaargh!
Personally, I think the EU doesn't give a damn about sulphur content: it's just another skirmish in the guerrilla war against Agas. George Monbiot has already accused them of destroying the planet. Now, here's another dastardly green scheme: if they keep going out, perhaps we'll give them up.
Ha! It'll take more than that. For, much as we love our trusty stoves, we know that they do have a tendresse for a little breakdown when they feel like it, especially on or around the winter solstice. We can live with that. What we can't live with is Brussels mucking up our kitchens. Mr Farage – where do I sign?"
* With apologies to any lady readers of this blog!