Monday, 27 July 2009

The Fair Sex

As tis the 'silly season' I thought I might re-air something which appeared a few years ago and, for those who have not seen it, is still amusing. It is a small piece that Mary Archer wrote for what was a Rag Week magazine I believe.

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted as 55kg but known to vary from 45kg to 225kg

Occurrence: Found in large quantities in urban areas, with trace elements in outlying areas

Physical Properties: Boils at absolutely nothing, freezes for no apparent reason, melts if given special treatment, bitter if used incorrectly

Chemical Properties: Affinity to Gold, Silver, Platinum and all precious stones. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man

Common Use: Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars. Can be a very effective cleaning agent

Hazards: Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other

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